Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Couch. On fire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
