so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
