she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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