I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
