I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
