Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
3pm strippers are depressing
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
