Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
