New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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