He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
