you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
