I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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