She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
