First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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