Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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