margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
