They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
