and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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