i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
