I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nutella sex= disaster
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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