How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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