I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
