After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
