wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
