all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
