Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
