ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
