i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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