My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
