Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
