So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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