My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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