Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
