Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
