he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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