These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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