sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
