I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
