I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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