ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
