You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
