no, he came in my armpit
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
