I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
