I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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