and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
