If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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