Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
