Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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