I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
