How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
