Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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