Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
