My liver just broke up with me...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
