we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i've created a new STD.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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