At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
