Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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